About four months ago, I wrote a post requiring a lot of humility and courage, because if my kids ever read it, they will know I chewed tobacco for years and years. Perhaps I was being a good parent by not allowing them to see the huge mistake I made and kept making. Either way, I never looked forward to seeing the disappointment or even anger in their eyes.
I have not touched any form of nicotine or soda, diet or otherwise, this year. If I ever claim this is a result of my iron determination and strength of character, please remind me that it is in fact a miracle and a blessing. I attempted to quit so many times before. I tried everything I could. Apparently, January 1, 2015 was just my day to really make a change for the better.
Each day was hard for a while, then it got a bit easier except for trigger events, like having to work a shooting call or an abduction. The thing about any addiction is the total irrationality of the problem:feeling bad? Make it better with chew. Win the lottery? Celebrate with chew. Too tired to make the drive home? Pop that can open and get some nicotine power in your veins. Chewing tobacco is your friend. It's not that disgusting.
So I am doing well, only struggling a few times a week, more or less.
This weekend I will attend the OWFI writers conference in Oklahoma City. Guess what I did a lot when I was there on two previous occasions. That's right, chew on the drive, chew all the time that I don't have to worry about my family seeing me do it. Chew because I am happy to be a writer. Chew because I am stressed about pitching a novel.
Please wish me luck. I don't want to fall off the wagon. If you have beaten your personal addiction, congratulations and God bless you. If you are struggling, understand that it can be done.
Life is an adventure. I read to expand my horizons and write because I must.
- The Craft of Writing: 7 Magnificent Books
- Use of Force Myths
- A Really Useful Tool
- Project Rotation